The turns life takes can surprise us sometimes. There have been so many cliche'd terms about this over the decades that we should be wise to the fact that - even when we think our path is laid out before us - it inevitably will change.
Such a change threw me for a loop a couple weeks ago. Instead of being busy tending my gardens and animals, or enjoying crafts, music, and homeschooling ... we have been moving. Making a transition from mini-farm to city lot, homesteading homeowner to suburban renter. I have come to realize that the progression of the grieving process applies also to dying dreams. I know we are not alone, and so many others have lost more- homes, jobs, both. As a make my way through the community, I hear stories from people...-parents who lost the farm they grew up on. -a husband and wife both lossing their jobs at at the same company, now with no income. -couples seeing their investments evaporate into thin air. -couples torn apart by the depression that follows these tramatic life changes .... No, we are not alone, still it is painful.
Each of my older children have taken turns being upset, sad, and finally resolved to make the best of changes. I have been careful to encase my words with a buffering of "silver linings", in fact my 10yo daughter now uses that term routinely to help her through the transition ("The backyard is small, but *silver-linings* at least we have a park nearby "). My son, after the initial few days of upset, has re-set his agenda to plan a bigger/better farm in a few years. The idea of this being a temporary set-back has him planning big. Meanwhile, I have managed to push through the many things that "need to be done" and only within the past few days has the loss really hit me.
However, my four-year-old just broke my heart last night and inspired this blog entry. We have always called her our "barn girl" since she could just live up there with the animals and be happy-as-a-clam (a modern Tom Sawyer - barefoot and mud-covered with bugs in her pockets and worms in her hands). She has managed to be up-beat throughout the whole process. Even when her pet chicken (a Buff Orpington named Princess) and favorite baby goat (a Pygmy - Meg) were loaded on the back of a pick-up truck to be brought to new a home, she was a sturdy helper - firm and resolved to see them properly loaded and taken care of. Last night, however, she had a pained look and came to me complaining of stomach ache. As she dug her toes into the carpeted floor of the new home I asked, "Was she hungry?" No. "Throw-upy?" No. Her little lip began to quiver - "I just miss my animals!" Then the tears began to flow, and she just sobbed and sobbed that she would never be able to pet them, or bring them food, gather eggs -ever again. That is how she fell asleep in my arms- her face wet with a rainstorm of grieving, body quaking with the thunder of loss. It makes me cry, just to type it.
Denial - Anger - Grieve - Acceptance - Resolve. I thought that we had just skipped right along to Acceptance and Resolution. As I think about it, I guess, like with DD4, that was not really true. Perhaps, one of these days I will find the time to sit down with myself and allow the thoughts to spin-to allow the whole process to play in my mind. Meanwhile, DD10 often emerges from her room red-eyed and in great need of a lengthy hug. I find DS11 trying to find solace in the Bible's promises- asking for understanding about Adam's curse and Paradise promises. And I continue to push forward- packing/unpacking, shopping/cooking, cleaning up the daily mess that inevitable comes with 4 kids living at home all day - now with less indoor space and no fenced farm to romp about freely.
This week we will try to again start up our daily lessons grammar, math, spelling...music, art, history....routine, familiarity, consistency. A place for the mind to occupy itself while somewhere under the surface we heal and forget and start to dream again.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
County Fair
I have such vivid memories of our small town Vermont fair. A herald to fall and harvest, cool nights and the imminence of winter. We drove in, brimming with excitement as our car bounced along the dirt entrance, winding our way to park on the infield. Impatience made the drive last forever. Finally, the car was parked.
My first stop was always the horse barns. I probably would have stayed there all day if I was allowed. But, the pull of Mid-way noise and the temptation of fair food eventually led us to other areas.
Local craftsmen and housewives displayed their wares. My Grandfather could be found among them, sitting on swinging-chairs of his own design - always with a tan zip cardigan over a button-down shirt with dark tan pants. In the homemaking section, shelves lined with plates of yeast rolls were colorfully paired with jewel toned jars of jams and jellies. Ribbons dangled from the neck of select jars.
When the aroma of hot sugar and fried food became much for my young tummy, my parents would treat me to cotton candy swirled around a paper cone - such an amazing cloudy delight. This one a year treat was something to be savored for as long as possible. Later, I would have Italian sausage drenched in mustard and watch the evening's entertainment.
Now, I am bringing my kids to the fair. Cotton candy is still a must, and so are candied apples. Rides are the main attraction and we spend about 2/3 of our time defying gravity and common sense. (At least the kids do. After child #3, I lost my appetite for thrill rides - or maybe it was turning 30. But now, I stand by and am the keeper of hats, glasses, and hard won stuffed animals while the more adventurous spin and whirl. I love watching all the expressive faces as they ride.)
I still love spending time looking at the home, garden and arts entries. It was a special treat this year, since it is the first time my own children have made entries into these departments. We were thrilled that the three old enough to enter each won ribbons! They are already planning entries for next year. Each one wants to win more prizes than the other. Thankfully, they are in different age groups so they are not being rated against each other.
I hope they are able to carry pleasant memories as I have.
My first stop was always the horse barns. I probably would have stayed there all day if I was allowed. But, the pull of Mid-way noise and the temptation of fair food eventually led us to other areas.
Local craftsmen and housewives displayed their wares. My Grandfather could be found among them, sitting on swinging-chairs of his own design - always with a tan zip cardigan over a button-down shirt with dark tan pants. In the homemaking section, shelves lined with plates of yeast rolls were colorfully paired with jewel toned jars of jams and jellies. Ribbons dangled from the neck of select jars.
When the aroma of hot sugar and fried food became much for my young tummy, my parents would treat me to cotton candy swirled around a paper cone - such an amazing cloudy delight. This one a year treat was something to be savored for as long as possible. Later, I would have Italian sausage drenched in mustard and watch the evening's entertainment.
Now, I am bringing my kids to the fair. Cotton candy is still a must, and so are candied apples. Rides are the main attraction and we spend about 2/3 of our time defying gravity and common sense. (At least the kids do. After child #3, I lost my appetite for thrill rides - or maybe it was turning 30. But now, I stand by and am the keeper of hats, glasses, and hard won stuffed animals while the more adventurous spin and whirl. I love watching all the expressive faces as they ride.)
I still love spending time looking at the home, garden and arts entries. It was a special treat this year, since it is the first time my own children have made entries into these departments. We were thrilled that the three old enough to enter each won ribbons! They are already planning entries for next year. Each one wants to win more prizes than the other. Thankfully, they are in different age groups so they are not being rated against each other.
I hope they are able to carry pleasant memories as I have.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Sick babies
So, I get a call at work at 2am (I work nights at a local hospital), the baby is sick with a 104 fever and both baby and dad (who has to go to work in the morning) are miserable. By the next day all four kids have a head/chest cold. Know how Dad got baby back to sleep? He wrapped her in my pajamas (for momma scent) and snuggled with her on his chest. She fell asleep nuzzling into the cloth of my pj's and muttering, "momma momma momma ...". How sweet is that?
As awful as it is to have a sick child, something amazing happens when you are snuggling their fevered bodies close to you, kissing hot little heads. Big innocent eyes look up into yours like you are the only thing in the world that matters and a pudgy fist wraps around your finger. As they relax into your arms, you can feel sleep creep in to heal. It makes me appreciate my purpose as a parent, to love, cherish, guide, teach, and mold this precious gift that I have been entrusted with. But also to realize how fragile human life can be and that we need to care for it and not abuse our bodies so that we can be available for all we a purposed to accomplish. All that insight from a nasty little virus.
OK, all done being sappy (for a while at least).
Of course, sick kids put all my grand plans for trying lapbooking on temporary hold - on the bright side it gives me more time to make sure I have all the information prepared. To be honest I could probably use the weekend to compile and try out everything we will need.
DS is all upset because I wouldn't let him go to Drama practice today.... "I don't feel THAT bad (cough)(cough). Can't you just drop me off? (wheeze)" Umm .... No. I'm sure all the parents would really LOVE me to share our germs. "Aww, mom, your so mean." Yup, that's me... Meany Mommy. Anyway, another day chillin' will do them all a world of good and hopefully we can have a productive weekend. We'll do fun stuff like catch up on cleaning, and grocery shopping ((just kidding)). Actually, the three older ones have to finish their projects to be entered in the Fair next month, so they will probably work on that.... much more fun than cleaning & errands. :)
As awful as it is to have a sick child, something amazing happens when you are snuggling their fevered bodies close to you, kissing hot little heads. Big innocent eyes look up into yours like you are the only thing in the world that matters and a pudgy fist wraps around your finger. As they relax into your arms, you can feel sleep creep in to heal. It makes me appreciate my purpose as a parent, to love, cherish, guide, teach, and mold this precious gift that I have been entrusted with. But also to realize how fragile human life can be and that we need to care for it and not abuse our bodies so that we can be available for all we a purposed to accomplish. All that insight from a nasty little virus.
OK, all done being sappy (for a while at least).
Of course, sick kids put all my grand plans for trying lapbooking on temporary hold - on the bright side it gives me more time to make sure I have all the information prepared. To be honest I could probably use the weekend to compile and try out everything we will need.
DS is all upset because I wouldn't let him go to Drama practice today.... "I don't feel THAT bad (cough)(cough). Can't you just drop me off? (wheeze)" Umm .... No. I'm sure all the parents would really LOVE me to share our germs. "Aww, mom, your so mean." Yup, that's me... Meany Mommy. Anyway, another day chillin' will do them all a world of good and hopefully we can have a productive weekend. We'll do fun stuff like catch up on cleaning, and grocery shopping ((just kidding)). Actually, the three older ones have to finish their projects to be entered in the Fair next month, so they will probably work on that.... much more fun than cleaning & errands. :)
Monday, September 22, 2008
Discovery of Lapbooking
I have been researching alternative projects to stretch my curriculum budget and to keep my kids interested in longer research projects. I was thrilled to discover lapbooking and notebooking! Why had I not discovered this before???
When I started homeschooling four years ago, I used The Well Trained Mind as a guide. I still love this book as a resource. However, I found that we were unable to follow such an extensive program exactly. Slowly, I morphed to using The Well Trained Mind guidelines for grammar, spelling, and math while allowing history and science to be covered by independent study (reading, art projects, nature observation, etc.) This worked very well for us. Because I garden and have animals, we thoroughly covered all aspects of biology. Since my daughter loves bugs, she would spend hours creating 'Bug-topia' (a little town made of recycled materials to which she would move bugs she found). Now, she also likes historical novels. My son developed a love of history. He read (and re-read) all our history books and then took out library books on the cultures that interested him. He also likes creating 'machines' and loves his K'nex and Lego's. They both did art and took music lessons. I later discovered that I had fallen into a Charlotte Mason type of schedule (sorta). Who knew? Being the overwhelmed mom that I am, I never did thoroughly research Charlotte Mason (it is still on my "to do" list) which is probably why I did not stumble across lapbooking before this.
I have spent the last couple weeks researching this and we have just started our first lapbooking project for science -Space. I am hoping that focusing on individual aspects of the subject will help the kids to have a stronger/longer interest so that we can go into more detail. My plan .... have DD10 and DS11 each take a planet per week to research, make a mini book, and then present findings to each other. Together we can make observations of the moon and record its' phases. Hopefully, we will still have momentum to research Red/White giants, black holes, nebula, cluster habits, etc. Meanwhile DD4 can do a Creation lapbook (plants, animals, heavenly bodies).
If this goes well, we will probably do State books next. Starting with North Carolina (current home) and Vermont (home state). I have a gazillion ideas on other subjects as well.
I have the feeling that my children will be all grown up and finished school before I have discovered all the cool things that we could do together. I am getting more organized though - quite a task for me. :)
When I started homeschooling four years ago, I used The Well Trained Mind as a guide. I still love this book as a resource. However, I found that we were unable to follow such an extensive program exactly. Slowly, I morphed to using The Well Trained Mind guidelines for grammar, spelling, and math while allowing history and science to be covered by independent study (reading, art projects, nature observation, etc.) This worked very well for us. Because I garden and have animals, we thoroughly covered all aspects of biology. Since my daughter loves bugs, she would spend hours creating 'Bug-topia' (a little town made of recycled materials to which she would move bugs she found). Now, she also likes historical novels. My son developed a love of history. He read (and re-read) all our history books and then took out library books on the cultures that interested him. He also likes creating 'machines' and loves his K'nex and Lego's. They both did art and took music lessons. I later discovered that I had fallen into a Charlotte Mason type of schedule (sorta). Who knew? Being the overwhelmed mom that I am, I never did thoroughly research Charlotte Mason (it is still on my "to do" list) which is probably why I did not stumble across lapbooking before this.
I have spent the last couple weeks researching this and we have just started our first lapbooking project for science -Space. I am hoping that focusing on individual aspects of the subject will help the kids to have a stronger/longer interest so that we can go into more detail. My plan .... have DD10 and DS11 each take a planet per week to research, make a mini book, and then present findings to each other. Together we can make observations of the moon and record its' phases. Hopefully, we will still have momentum to research Red/White giants, black holes, nebula, cluster habits, etc. Meanwhile DD4 can do a Creation lapbook (plants, animals, heavenly bodies).
If this goes well, we will probably do State books next. Starting with North Carolina (current home) and Vermont (home state). I have a gazillion ideas on other subjects as well.
I have the feeling that my children will be all grown up and finished school before I have discovered all the cool things that we could do together. I am getting more organized though - quite a task for me. :)
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Kids say the cutest things
Kids come up with the funniest things sometimes. My son was asking about how to make Chicken and Dumplings (he loves to cook). My DD4 was listening in, and got to thinking about what she wanted me to bake....
"Mom, I like those Apple Dumb-things." Dumb things? "Yes, Apple Dumb-things with cinnamon."
We just broke out laughing. After coaxing her on the correct pronunciation, I added apples to my shopping list. Guess you know what I will be baking Saturday!
"Mom, I like those Apple Dumb-things." Dumb things? "Yes, Apple Dumb-things with cinnamon."
We just broke out laughing. After coaxing her on the correct pronunciation, I added apples to my shopping list. Guess you know what I will be baking Saturday!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Old Salem
Our home school group toured Old Salem in Winston-Salem, North Carolina on Friday. What a great day! Since it was a "Homeschooler's Day", they had several activities set up, and there were re-en actors present to give tours and answer questions. I was delighted at the extent to which the children enjoyed it.....They would like to go back to complete the things they missed the first time.
My favorite part? Learning how to make buttons from thread. I plan on trying it out this week and will post a photo of the resulting button. We also did a workshop on Cyanography. Now, I am looking for a place to buy the solution so we can repeat the project at home.
It is definitely a great tour if you every happen to be in the area.
My favorite part? Learning how to make buttons from thread. I plan on trying it out this week and will post a photo of the resulting button. We also did a workshop on Cyanography. Now, I am looking for a place to buy the solution so we can repeat the project at home.
It is definitely a great tour if you every happen to be in the area.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Introduction
As the title of my blog suggests, I am a homeschooling mom. We have four wonderful children, ages DD 15 months, DD 4yr, DD 10yr, DS 11yr. I love watching "the lightbulb turn on" as they learn new concepts and expand their creative minds. I combine Classical goals and Charlotte Mason sensiblities with daily craziness to achieve "reality based homeschooling".
We enjoy using our 2 1/2 acres to garden, and experiment with a variety of farm animals. Our chickens and pygmy goats free range the the back yard. We have turkeys (for another month or so), a horse and few rabbits in addition to the household cat and dog. Herbs and roses dominate my garden selections. Perhaps next year I will have more time to transform my vegetable garden from weed patch to productive land. :)
I thouroughly enjoy the time I get to pursue my love of the arts....I just wish I had more time for it. ....only 24 hours in a day, you say?.... I know, sigh. I have replaced painting and pottery with fiber arts like knitting so that I have something portable for when I only have a few minutes to spare. I am thrilled to have joined my eldest two during their violin lessons this month. Now, I have an reason to bump music toward the top of the priority list! I have to set a good example filling out my practice sheets, you know. ;)
We enjoy using our 2 1/2 acres to garden, and experiment with a variety of farm animals. Our chickens and pygmy goats free range the the back yard. We have turkeys (for another month or so), a horse and few rabbits in addition to the household cat and dog. Herbs and roses dominate my garden selections. Perhaps next year I will have more time to transform my vegetable garden from weed patch to productive land. :)
I thouroughly enjoy the time I get to pursue my love of the arts....I just wish I had more time for it. ....only 24 hours in a day, you say?.... I know, sigh. I have replaced painting and pottery with fiber arts like knitting so that I have something portable for when I only have a few minutes to spare. I am thrilled to have joined my eldest two during their violin lessons this month. Now, I have an reason to bump music toward the top of the priority list! I have to set a good example filling out my practice sheets, you know. ;)
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